Tuesday, May 30, 2006

the tank man

Frontline's documentary about the '89 Tiananmen Square protests, the unknown man who stood in front of a tank, the disparities between urban and rural China, and US corporations' role in censuring and rewriting history.

FRONTLINE: the tank man: watch the full program online | PBS


Saturday, May 27, 2006


Another group of jokester college students!


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Dragon Inn

Curtis and I watched Dragon Inn last night. Here are some lessons this film teaches you:

1. Eunichs look like regular men except for excessive amount of blush.
2. Eunichs have magical powers of telekinesis along with amazing swordplay skills.
3. Beware of barbarian butchers. They can remove the flesh from your hand and foot without you noticing until too late.
4. "Spicy meat" is a euphemism for human meat.
5. There is a proverb for every situation, especially if it is irrelevant. "The eagle's talons do not marvel at the beauty of a rose" is a meaningful answer to a question such as "What did you have for dinner last night?"

(I made that proverb up. Try to unravel some philosophical meaning from that one! Booyah!)
(Ooh, I just did. I think I'm going to start using that phrase now in everyday situations such as this:
Some German Guy: "Mein Gott! Your minion just destroyed that priceless painting! Does he have no respect for the arts?!"
Me: " 'The eagle's talons do not marvel at the beauty of a rose.' "
S.G.G.: "...Die Hölle? What does that mean?"
Me: "He is an assassin under my employ. He has not the heart and soul to admire such things."
S.G.G.: "That makes you the eagle, ya?"
Me: " 'Falling autumn leaves do not make good fish.' "
S.G.G.: *immense confusion*
Me: *immense pride in the inscrutability of my metaphors*)


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Exclusive Connections SNL skit

A phone sex company that knows what kind of men call for phone sex.

Bore Me - Exclusive Connections

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Monday, May 22, 2006

The Origin of the Decider

A great Daily Show clip. Thanks to onegoodmove.

The Origin of the Decider

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Kitty & Rooster, Weird Friendship.

YouTube - Kitty & Rooster, Weird Friendship.


Friday, May 19, 2006

Still awake...

My paper is almost done. Still gotta revise it and come up with a witty title.


Thursday, May 18, 2006

Taking a Break

I've been having a sucky couple of weeks. This week, for instance, I have a paper due tomorrow and I can't get my thoughts organized plus I've been stressing about what I'm going to do this summer and then what I'm going to do in the fall. My mind keeps musing on these topics, and each time I feel a tiny sense of panic or something in my stomach. I wonder if I should seriously also start worrying about whether I'm developing an ulcer. I've hardly been able to sleep.

But when things are really bad, I can get high. Whee! Ativan rocks! (Unfortunately, I don't get as loopy with Ativan as I did when they pumped the MRI room full of nitrous oxide. That was fuuun! :)

So, after lying in bed this morning, with my thoughts and stomach aches, I took an Ativan. I tried working on my paper for a bit, then just decided to listen to music. Then I decided to check my mail and on the way back I stopped at the Coop to pick up some avacados and stuff. Then I made guacamole, which I ate with corn totillas. Yummy!

Really, though, you should've seen me the other night. I was much higher. This high is very calm and I'm almost normal. Except for the obssessive thoughts, thankfully.

...Maybe I should consider becoming a stoner. I might be more outgoing and likeable; I know I like myself more when I'm relaxed and giggly and dizzy.

Don't you ever get really tired of yourself? I know that it's an odd thought. But I think it would be awesome to be able to inhabit someone else's body and have your perceptions and sensations filtered through a different brain. I'm not talking about just becoming someone else entirely, I imagine it as the core of your consciousness (stripped of thought patterns, obssessions, prejudices, et cetera) your true being, the nonphysical soul of yourself being uploaded into an entirely new system of hardware- i.e. another body.

I guess the closest you get to being someone else is when you're asleep. At least you get a break from being yourself.

So, yeah, there's my strange idea I've been pondering absently since last night.


Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I am amazed and repulsed. I never knew there were so many different ways of piercing different body parts. You can check out the Piercing Dictionary if you're interested in seeing what different piercings and body modifications look like. Heed the warning, though; most of the pictures are not drawings and some of the things people have done are really bizarre and often unattractive (in my opinion).


Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Hard Gay is so funny! I've been laughing all day.

Your Political Profile:
Overall: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Personal Responsibility: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal
Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal
Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

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10 Things I Hate About Commandments

This is so freakin' funny!

10 Things I Hate About Commandments


Friday, May 12, 2006

the WB's forgotten history

I cannot believe this.

Google Video of the Day: Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs

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Monday, May 08, 2006


Download some music by Hörstreich, a German punk band. I really like the lyrics to "Rat Race" and "Rain and Sunshine".

rat race

pretend that its alright - get in line for the rat race
you're running out of time for a dime without a handshake

aim for doggies life. give a smile for a soul's sake
stop this crap. this is getting too hot. this is hell

compete in every way in a dull machine behaviour
finish every day and get settled for a breakdown

life is not a game it's a man with a shotgun
the shortcut lane as a permanent strain

every morning glory every day
sets off just the same old story right again.

hurray! a nervous breakdown - hurray! a taken brain.
hurray! no chance to slow down and no one left to blame

you can break the rules or you can sleep all day
stay at home, start a war and say that you're ok
if your mind's gone out for a holiday
you can waste your time and start to pray

we only want the strong. there's applause for the best scores
robots carry on accelerating a new work force

colours turn to grey disappearing as they close doors
no way in and no escape.

knock, knock, knock we all want our slice
fast-food-nation what's your price?
it's getting hot in this cage of mice
in non-interactive paradise

i won't eat the food i'm served
i won't teach the words i learned
the one-way-track from which i turned
won't cook the soup that they all stir.


Welcome to my pity party

One comes to depressing conclusions at night. It's always around 12:30 or 1 am when I feel the desire to cry. From loneliness, from fear, from whatever. Sometimes for no particular reason at all.

I don't know why I'm here. I have no particular drive, so why am I at university spending my parents' money? College, for me, is just Limbo sometimes. I tell people, "Yeah, I'm just delaying real life," and I am. I have no clue what I want to do or how I'm going to fit into society. I'm like one of those square pegs that just won't fit into the round hole without some serious behavior modification.

And, yeah, the drugs are working just dandy, thanks for asking.

I'm emotional. I'm confused. I'm scared and unmotivated. I realize that everyone else is, but I look at society and feel like I'm missing key qualities and without them I don't have a clue how I'm going to live. I can't see myself working every day, buying groceries, paying the bills. It's not only the fact that I'm disinclined to work in a job without a sense of passion (which I still haven't found yet), but its also a combination of the fear of being confined to a role and schedule and a fear of being left adrift and alone.

And what is with this new sense of terror? I spend all my free time closed up in my tiny bedroom listening to music, reading, doing homework, writing, or watching movies. I have Curtis and a small handful of aquaintances from my classes that changes from quarter to quarter. I rarely say hello to my housemate. I spent the first month at UCSC sitting with strangers at meals and being friendly; now I always take some reading for class. It just seems like too much effort.

I don't expect any sympathy; it's my own damn fault if I'm lonely. Curtis helps, of course, as do the friends I keep in touch with online, but I'm not so selfish as to monopolize their time.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm a snob with low self-esteem. Contradictory, I know, but bear with me. I automatically consider strangers I see as not worth the energy I'll expend talking to them. I know they're probably nice and intelligent and all that, but I don't see why I should expend energy and place myself in a situation with which I am not comfortable (small talk, chit-chat) when we're both going to be let down.

I'm not sure that I'm really explaining things well. I'll move on.

I've never seriously considered using drugs. I'm too much of a control freak. But lately I've been wondering whether things would be better if I experimented a bit. I'm obviously stuck in a rut. Perhaps losing control will give me a better sense of what I need to change in my life. Just an idle thought.

I'm thinking more and more that going someplace different for the summer would be a good thing. It'd force me to change my routine. I'd have to be more responsible and energized and extroverted. Maybe road tripping with people I don't know too well. Or spending a week camping alone. It's something to consider, despite my lack of funds.

...I want to do that. I'm not happy where I am and something (or several somethings) about me has gotta change. I need to challenge myself and try to figure myself out.


Thursday, May 04, 2006

Surprise, Surprise

Your Extroversion Profile:
Sociability: Medium
Activity Level: Very Low
Assertiveness: Very Low
Cheerfulness: Very Low
Excitement Seeking: Very Low
Friendliness: Very Low


Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Do you like me?

Just wondering who reads this. (Besides Curtis and my sister.)

Faux news

Yay! I finally got back in touch with my buddy William! Hi Vilhelm!

I picked up the latest issue of the Fishrap the other day. There's this great article in "The Faux" section (fake news). Since they still don't have a website up, I'll reproduce it here.

Bush to withdraw troops from Iraq:
Cites UCSC bathroom graffiti as catalyst

By Man Dirk

In a shocking move today, President Bush announced his call for the immediate withdrawal of American troops from Iraq. The president said he was spurred to make the surprising decision after reading graffiti on a bathroom wall at the University of California, Santa Cruz, which urged him to do so.

"For three years now, I've been determined that America should stay the course in Iraq," Bush said at a White House press conference. "But when I read that message scrawled on the wall over the urinal in the third floor McHenry Library bathroom that said 'U.S. Out of Iraq,' I knew I had made a mistake."

"We may never know the name of the patriot who made this bold statement for justice and freedom," Bush added, "but we do know that his resolve was strong. After all, he used a Sharpie, and that ink does not run."

Bush also announced that his administration would soon pursue campaigns to free Palestine, investigate its own possible involvement with the planning of the September 11 terrorist attacks, legalize marijuana and research Stussy.

(Fish Rap Live!, Earth Day issue, 2006)(This article was accompanied by a picture of said urinal and graffiti.)

Bathroom graffiti annoys me. It's pointless. Writing "US out of Iraq" in a bathroom stall ain't ever gonna get results. I like the quote about Sharpie ink never running. But WTH does Stussy have to do with anything?

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Boy executes father's killer

BBC NEWS | Africa | Boy, 16, executes father's killer

Needless to say, this is quite a contrast to our justice system.


Monday, May 01, 2006

Great (and not-so-great) Presidential Speeches

Great Presidential Speeches: Decisions

Great Pesidential Speeches: Onions

Great Presidential Speeches: Plants

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I love Mexicans!

Yeah. This whole May 1st rally that UCSC is having is kinda annoying. The Porter/Kresge dining hall was closed this morning! (It seems that our dining hall closes at the drop of a hat. It's the only dining hall out of the five on campus that is closed on the weekends.) Of course, I only found out once I'd gotten there, so I walked back. I'm hungry, but even I am not strange enough to eat microwave popcorn for breakfast. It's a shame that I finished off the leftover pizza last night. But I luckily had a small can of mandarin oranges.

Yeah. So I guess this is what a "day without a Mexican" feels like. It sucks. I'm hungry and I'll have to do my own laundry.

I looovvve the Mexicans! Please make me breakfast!

(I'm being facetious. I'm not really upset. I just wish that I had had some advance warning. I'll just go up to the Kresge Cafe or down to the College 8/Oakes dining hall for an early lunch. And I always do my own laundry anyway.)

Meh. My knee hurts again. And I'm gonna need to go to visit a campus shrink soon to get refills. I need to come up with a good reason why I stopped taking the Adderall.