Sunday, April 15, 2007

Housemate troubles: Days 2-4

I'm sitting here crying because my mind won't stop obsessing over this situation long enough for me to go to sleep.

My housemate came back to our place around 11:30. I knocked on her bedroom door to ask when we would be able to talk. I tried to insist that we talk then, but she was on the phone. Miffed, she started going off about how childish I was acting. "I'm grown, just like you," and advised me that I should watch my tone and attitude.

I admit, I did knock brusquely and demand "When are we going to resolve this?" or something similar. And yes, she was on the phone (the few times she is here she is almost always on the phone), but I didn't get a straight answer this morning, and she didn't give me a straight answer then. She shut the door and I returned to my room.

I first was hurt. I started crying and went back to my room. Then I got mad. My confusion and annoyance at her continued avoidance of this issue- whatever it is!- built up, and I felt like I needed to get a flat-out answer. This has been gnawing at me since yesterday, when Andrew first told me that she had made a complaint. All the time I spent in the apartment today I kept my bedroom door open in case she returned (she didn't). I had tried to broach the subject this morning, and was shot down. I missed out on dinner and Buffy night with Curtis and Cristie because I wanted to be here when my housemate came home. I was hoping to resolve this before the weekend because she is usually gone the entire two to three days, and I know that I'll feel like shit until I understand what the hell is going on. Is it too much to ask that I can enjoy my weekend and think about pleasant things?

I went across the hall to see if Andrew, our CA, was home and if he would be willing to come over and try to get her to talk, even for a minute. He wasn't. I came back, cried a little more, then the anger returned and I could feel it rising up in my chest and felt like I needed to do more and confront her in no uncertain terms.

So I was angry. I was indignant. I felt (and still feel) that I deserve an explanation. She said it herself: "We're both grown," and I had tried dealing with her in a calm manner earlier today just to be blown off.

I knocked on her door again. I had to knock twice before she opened it, pissed off. She was still on the phone. She accused me of being childish again and interrupting her phone call twice. All I wanted was a short explanation of what the hell her original problem with me was. I accused her of being childish- of not talking to me about whatever problem she had, and immediately taking it above my head to the CA and CRE. She said that if she had talked about it at the time, she would have been angry and upset "just like I'm going to be in a moment!"

By a show of hands, who thinks that she did the right thing; preventing an explosion at the time then immediately writing a complaint to staff and avoiding discussing the issue with me altogether?

Does anyone agree with what I would have done: wait until later in the day when I was calmer and then broached the subject to her?

Both of us got to yelling. I was complaining about how stupid it was to avoid facing me, and she complaining about how she was busy right now, and on the phone, and needed to get ready to leave and how I was being immature about all of this.

I felt a little bad about interrupting her phone call (I don't want to know how she described me and the situation to the person at the other end), but felt like I deserved an answer ASAP. I regret approaching her in that confrontational manner. I would have waited until she had ended her phone call, but from my observations the last couple of quarters, she will talk until the moment she leaves the apartment. I knew she was leaving tonight and wanted one last chance to try and get some sort of explanation before she left instead of waiting and wondering and feeling awful until she returned Saturday, Sunday, or Monday. But now I'm going to feel worse until I see her again.

[This was written around 2 am Friday night/Sat morning. I'm a bit less sorry about interrupting her phone call and shouting; I give everyone respect unless they refuse to grant me the same. She showed her lack of respect for me in not dealing with this matter, so I am returning her in kind. It may not be the morally superior thing to do, but the second time in one day that someone gets in my face, I'm going to get right back in her face. I'm sick and tired of this shit, and I still don't really know what her original problem with me was! Surely a "dirty" bathroom isn't enough to warrant such anger--especially when I and others agree that it isn't nearly dirty enough to be offensive and problematic. I feel like I am in the right, and will continue to think so until she manages to come up with a decent indictment that justifies this rage and contempt. (Is there even one?) I know that when she and I finally have our showdown, I want at least one other person there-- the more witnesses the better-- to prevent her from going totally batshit or at least to do damage control and prevent me from being mauled. (I have no idea whether she would get violent. I don't think so, but Andrew, Curtis, and I are seriously doubting her sanity. Plus, she seems to be high-strung and fond of drama.)

I would appreciate any comments, and will keep you all posted on the developments. Not because you really care, but because writing about it releases a lot of anger I have from this situation.]

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