Thursday, May 18, 2006

Taking a Break

I've been having a sucky couple of weeks. This week, for instance, I have a paper due tomorrow and I can't get my thoughts organized plus I've been stressing about what I'm going to do this summer and then what I'm going to do in the fall. My mind keeps musing on these topics, and each time I feel a tiny sense of panic or something in my stomach. I wonder if I should seriously also start worrying about whether I'm developing an ulcer. I've hardly been able to sleep.

But when things are really bad, I can get high. Whee! Ativan rocks! (Unfortunately, I don't get as loopy with Ativan as I did when they pumped the MRI room full of nitrous oxide. That was fuuun! :)

So, after lying in bed this morning, with my thoughts and stomach aches, I took an Ativan. I tried working on my paper for a bit, then just decided to listen to music. Then I decided to check my mail and on the way back I stopped at the Coop to pick up some avacados and stuff. Then I made guacamole, which I ate with corn totillas. Yummy!

Really, though, you should've seen me the other night. I was much higher. This high is very calm and I'm almost normal. Except for the obssessive thoughts, thankfully.

...Maybe I should consider becoming a stoner. I might be more outgoing and likeable; I know I like myself more when I'm relaxed and giggly and dizzy.

Don't you ever get really tired of yourself? I know that it's an odd thought. But I think it would be awesome to be able to inhabit someone else's body and have your perceptions and sensations filtered through a different brain. I'm not talking about just becoming someone else entirely, I imagine it as the core of your consciousness (stripped of thought patterns, obssessions, prejudices, et cetera) your true being, the nonphysical soul of yourself being uploaded into an entirely new system of hardware- i.e. another body.

I guess the closest you get to being someone else is when you're asleep. At least you get a break from being yourself.

So, yeah, there's my strange idea I've been pondering absently since last night.



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