Sunday, November 06, 2005

He didn't want pennies, he wanted sex.

Yesterday morning I was walking across the Porter Quad on my way back from the College Eight/Oakes dining hall when I encountered a guy walked up to me and said, "I'm fly like soup!"

"That's cool," I replied, walking a bit slower but still moving. He kept up.

"Want to help me get from three to four?" He asked. I looked down at his hand which was holding four shiny pennies. I was confused. (That does not mean that I'm distracted by shiny things.)

"What?" I asked, wondering whether he wanted four pennies and simply couldn't count. Or that his lack of basic math skills was because he was seriously tripping on something. Though 11:30 am seemed a bit early to be doing drugs.

"Wanna help me get from three to four?" He repeated. Apparantly, he really wanted another penny and his counting hadn't just been a one-time mistake.

Thank God I didn't say what I was thinking: Sorry, but I don't have any money. Instead, I said, "I don't understand. Four what?"

He looked at me skeptically. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

Well, that seemed like an abrupt change in topic. "No," I answered honestly, but I don't think he believed me.

"...You know what comes after four?"

"Five?" I asked, totally bewildered.

"You ever have lesbian sex?"

"Unfortunately no," I replied, humoring him.

He turned to a girl that was walking towards us across the quad. "She's never had lesbian sex!" He called to her.

I wondered what the hell he was talking about. Did he want me to participate in a lesbian orgy? Did he know this girl and was he trying to hook her up? Or was he simply fucked up on drugs?

The girl didn't answer and kept walking.

He seemed to change the subject again. "I like to pet the koi."

I brightened. "I pet the koi!"

"Really? I love to pet the koi!" He replied. I thought we were finally on the same page, but he was still looking at me funny.

"Yeah, well I'm used to having dogs so I kinda go into cuddly-animal withdrawl-" I started babbling.

"I understand that," he said. "My name's Anthony."

"Marie." We shook hands.

"Anyway, I gotta go." He started backing away slowly.

"Bye."

"Later. Remember, I'm fly like soup!"

I laughed and continued walking to my apartment building.

About five minutes after this conversation, when I was back in my room, I realized that he had been propositioning me for sex. Naturally I was embarrassed about my reaction, but mainly I was amused. He must have thought I was such a naive dork! I'm still laughing about it, though not quite as wildly.

I quickly Googled "I like to pet koi" and, thankfully, it doesn't seem to be a widespread euphemism.

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